


Days since Steve left

by redshineJasper (MrsPummeluff)



Series: Stucky OneShots [2]
Category: Captain America - All Media Types, Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Coffee Shops & Cafés, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Alternate Universe - No Powers, Awesome Howling Commandos, Bruce Banner & Tony Stark Friendship, Bruce Banner Is a Good Bro, Bucky Barnes Has Issues, Bucky Barnes Has PTSD, Bucky Barnes Has Panic Attacks, Bucky is a Vet, Canon Divergence-Captain America, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Post-Serum Steve Rogers, The Howling Commandos have a Coffee Shop, mention of nightmares
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-01-05
Updated: 2018-01-05
Packaged: 2019-02-27 08:33:59
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,010
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13244502
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MrsPummeluff/pseuds/redshineJasper
Summary: Steve was once the Captain of The Howling Commandos. After SHIELD officially fell, they opened up a Café called the Howling Commandos. They employ Vets with not much left in their lives. Vets who wouldn’t get a job otherwise.One of them is Sergeant James Buchanan Barnes.





	Days since Steve left

The light that shone through the big window right onto Steve’s paper made him seriously reconsider the color choice he had made just a few minutes ago. Maybe her hair really should be blonde this time around. Brown just didn’t suit Natasha and having this, admittedly very strong, resemblance to one of his oldest friends made him clear, Black Widows hair should be red or blonde. Nothing else. Nothing else really suited her. Never did and never would. And he had told her so, when she had tried black dye. So when Marvel decided they wanted to make his new comic into another movie as well, she would at least get to dye her hair blonde again and Steve knew how much she was waiting for another contract where she was allowed to go blonde again. Squinting at the dark room she was in, or he wanted Widow to be in, he knew blonde hair was the only solution to this problem.

“I think blonde would look better if you really want her to have another color in the next issue.” A soft voice spoke into his ear and he felt Bucky’s chin on his shoulder while the Vet’s right arm snuck around his shoulder and poured some more coffee into the empty mug that stood next to Steve’s coloring pens.  
“Good that I am not the only one. Tasha will appreciate it.” Steve muttered grateful and smiled. He felt Bucky pat his right shoulder and then he was alone again. Putting the brown pen back in its place he leaned back and felt the warm light on his skin. Then a shadow fell over him and disappeared and he felt the older man sit down on the chair on the opposite side of the table. Just like every day when Bucky had lunch break. He would sit with Steve for about an hour, they would laugh and talk and Bucky would make little remarks about Steve’s comics and then go back to work, bring Steve a new refill of the coffee and when Steve left the Coffee around 4 to get some food and get home, getting his mind off of the drawings he had been working on all day, he would smile brightly. And nowadays he barely left without a big bear hug from his friend, whom he knew to avoid skin to skin contact as much as possible, but allowed it with Steve. Only Steve, Bucky had admitted a few weeks ago. Looking up and pushing one of the newest sketches towards the Veteran he raised an eyebrow.

“You look twitchy today.” Steve remarked, as Bucky took a look at the Costume the new Character, Hawkeye, should wear in the next issue.

“Am I?” Bucky tried to play cool, his tone nonchalant, but not convincing enough to fool Steve.

“Yeah. Noticed it as soon as I came in. You jumped and I saw you nearly spilling coffee. That never happened in the past—“ Steve glanced at the date on his phone “six months and two days since I came in here the first time and you were arguing with that woman that you had, in fact, put soy milk in her coffee.”  
The blonde smiled as Bucky’s lip twitched when he mentioned the, in fact, first time they met. Bucky had come back from Iraq, his last tour, about six months prior and was working in the coffee shop, The Howling Commandos, for two.

A friend of Steve’s, Gabe Jones, Vet and now owner of THC as people started calling it (“I just mean” Steve had said earnestly “that The Howling Commandos is a mouthful plus actually no one should even know about our Unit. Why name it after us?”  
“Because” Jones had insisted “it IS an amazing name PLUS no one KNOWS about our Unit and so no one will suspect anything. Makes talking about it easier.” And Steve could not argue with that anymore.), had at some point succeeded in making Steve come in. At that point most of his old Unit-Members and a few other Vets who had been struggling with finding a job had run the business to a total hit. Apparently people loved talking to them, hearing and maybe trading war stories.

One of said Vets was Sergeant James Buchanan Barnes, called Bucky by everyone except Falsworth, a Brit and member of THC, which was led by Steve, who found it ridiculous that they shared the same first name AND a stupid middle name. Bucky had been a POW for months, held by a group of rebels in Afghanistan though he could barely remember what they had done to him due to a “very fortunate incident with a bit too much electricity involved” (his words, not Steve’s. Bucky had a very dark humor but better than none).

“Yeah. Okay. Sure.” Bucky sighed and pushed the paper back, nodding approvingly. “You got me. Bad day.” He shrugged and Steve smiled sadly at him. He knew that. Bad days.

Steve didn’t have them as much as most Vets had. He was used to the fear of getting beaten to death or dying due to not enough air since he was a kid. He had been sick until his mother had found a decent job and had been able to get him the better medicine. He had had asthma attacks frequently until he had been able to work out more and give his lungs with the help of special treatments the ability to become stronger. And what a little shit tiny Steve Rogers had been. Couldn’t back up from a fight, not able to look the other way when a kid was bullied. That was him. Perfect Army material apparently. Becoming an experiment for some medicines, invented by Howard Stark and Dr. Erskine during World War 2 and refined by Howard’s son Tony Stark, he had become Captain of a Unit that had worked under SHIELD. When SHIELD broke apart thanks to a splinter group called HYDRA that was believed to be wiped out since 1945, but secretly had lived on in the heart of the American capital, Steve and the rest of his team had been sent home with a nice sum of money and the order to stay put, they would be called in as tactical experts if needed.

“Just a bad day or a previous nightmare slash episode?” Steve asked quietly and leaned towards Bucky, laying his hand on the vet’s right wrist.  
“Nightmare.” Bucky mumbled reluctantly. “About... you know.” He shrugged his head towards his left shoulder. Steve nodded sympathetically. He had read the mission report after talking to Bucky on a regular basis and decided the guy was definitely in a better shape than anyone else would be after getting hit by a grenade, flung over a car just to have said car crash down onto his arm. It gave him an honorable discharge, his Captain, Clint Barton, still writing him letters, keeping him up to date how his old friends are doing. He sends them Care packages in return.

“Wanna come over to my place?” the blonde offered. “Maybe you shouldn’t work today. I know Gabe will understand.”  
“Gabe does understand and already called Falsworth!” Steve heard out from the backroom and Bucky blinked at the door.  
“Apparently my Boss just kicked me out for today.”  
“And tomorrow!” came the muffled reply through the door. Bucky shook his head and stood up to tell Gabe he could come in but Steve knew what he was about to do and wrapped his hand around the hem of Bucky’s shirt.  
“Come on. We go over to my place. And tomorrow I cook you some stuff my mom used to make me when I had bad days in school. You haven’t told me the story about that little girl you fished out of the river. You know. The Story Barton mentioned the evening before he went back?”  
Bucky sighed and shook his head smiling.

“This is a conspiracy against me.” He mumbled but nodded. “Just heading into the back and get my stuff, okay.”  
“Sure. I finish up here.” Steve cocked his head towards the papers on the table and Bucky nodded.

Steve couldn’t count the times Bucky had visited him over the past six months on one hand. Not even on two. Maybe if all five of his Commandos would lend him their hands. Then maybe. Often enough it had been after one of Bucky’s shifts or when the older man had a bad day or an episode during work. And still every time he tried to tell Steve he was fine. Steve could understand. He wasn’t any better, thinking about it. Bruised and broken but still trying to please everyone.

Throwing his stuff back into its case, Gabe came over and clapped his hand onto Steve’s shoulder.  
“He’s doing well. Being friends with you always makes people feel better.” The blonde blushed. Gabe was determined that Steve was a good man. The best maybe. According to him and the other ex-Commandos, he would be able to cure cancer and if any of the world leaders would just spend an hour with him he would be able to bring peace over the world, just by being him.

Steve knew they were exaggerating. Like. A lot. He wasn’t that great.

“You’re an idiot when you’re doubting yourself again.” Jones told him and with that he went back into his room in the back, just as James Montgomery Falsworth entered through the big glass doors arms stretched wide, shouting “James Buchanan, my darling. Where are you? Let me see you.” Then he saw Steve who tried to hide his grin behind the mug that was still half full with the Coffee Bucky had brought him earlier and strode over.

“Captain.” He gave Steve a mock salute and behind him Steve heard Bucky’s whisper of “God damn Brit” as he stepped out of the official break room for the workers. Steve smiled at his Brigadier.  
“Falsworth” he nodded sharply and then the Brit stepped around him and threw his arm around Bucky’s shoulder.  
“Gabe told me to come in and here I am. Tell me what is going on in that big brain of yours, Sergeant.” Bucky gave him a sharp look but couldn’t hide a grin, tugging at the corner of his lip.

“Too much. And I am tired.” He said with a sigh and Falsworth nodded.  
“I see. The nightmares. Believe me, Sarge, none of us is a stranger to it. Not even our brave Cap over here.”

“And you get your ass over here, Monty or I do so myself.” Morita yelled from the bar as his last customer turned away. Steve gripped Bucky by the wrist, took the folder with his pens and drawings into the other hand and they left the coffee before anyone else could disturb them. Bucky glanced at Steve curiously.

“What?” the tall blonde asked after a while of mutual silence and a glance over to his companion.  
“Nothing. Just… You never seem to have a bad day and Monty mentioning nightmares…”  
Steve shrugged.  
“You know what I was like when I was a kid. I always had bad days. My whole life. I am pretty much used to it. To not enough sleep and nightmares I mean.” He saw Bucky’s wide eyes and shrugged. “Nobody is perfect, right?” He smiled. Bucky just nodded.

When they entered the apartment building Steve lived in Bucky sighed.  
“I wished my next place could be a bit more like this one.”  
Steve had never asked Bucky where he lived. Now he probably should.  
“Here in Brooklyn. But I can’t really afford a place like this. And the lease on the old one is up in a few days actually and I still have to look for another. Landlord sold the house and they start tearing down the place in a month.” Bucky waved his hands around. Steve frowned.  
“Courtesy from working for SHIELD.” He said. “You could move in if you want. I have a guest bedroom. Till you find something.” Now it was Bucky’s turn to frown.

“I don’t want to intrude. I mean. Sure… we are friends. But you don’t need to…”  
“Buck. It was an offer. The offer stands and I WANT to offer. I know I don’t need to.”  
Bucky smiled.  
“I’ll keep it in mind.” He would.

On his way to the kitchen Steve turned on the TV and passed the remote to Bucky to choose a movie or show for them to watch while he got the soda and snacks. It was a welcome change for Bucky to just relax with a friend by his side. He never had that. Not even before shipping out, not before his family died in a car crash when he was 17. It was nice.

With a friend.

Steve sat down, throwing a pair of sweatpants at his friend who seemed lost in thoughts until the cloth hit him.  
“Damn Steve. Give a man a heart attack.”  
“Didn’t hear me come in. Get changed, jerk.” He pointed at the bathroom and Bucky nodded. He always got a pair of pants from Steve but this one looked new. It was soft and black, with a red star on the left leg.  
“Punk” Bucky muttered. Then: “These are not your size.” It was a statement that made Steve blush and bite his lips. Bucky smiled. “You bought me a pair of pants for here? You could have told me to bring my own pair, Steve.”

The blonde smiled relieved and shook his head.  
“It was your birthday a few days ago. Didn’t know what to get you and you didn’t want anything so I bought you a pair of sweatpants and a hoodie in the same style for next winter.”  
Bucky was speechless.  
“You know my birthday?”  
“I read your file, remember?” Bucky nods lightly before getting up to get changed.

Steve bought him clothes and knew his birthday.

Steve remembered his birthday.

Just Steve…

When Bucky re-entered the living room area, the news were playing on TV and Steve was on the phone looking anxious, talking to someone in a hushed tone. When he saw Bucky, he waved him over, his face pale and his blue eyes tired.  
“I know Nick but I--  I know I promised. Did Dum Dum—I understand. – And it really wouldn’t involve combat?—Base only?—Okay. I’ll be ready to leave in two days. That’s the earliest I can do.—You know I have a job, Fury.—Bye.”

Bucky spared a glance at the TV. Apparently there had been an attack at a convoy. Apparently Tony Stark went missing. Apparently Steve had to go and get him out.

Bucky’s mind froze.

Involve Combat.

Base only.

Ready to leave in two days.

Steve would leave in two days.

Steve would leave HIM in two days, going back overseas to find a billionaire weapon-manufacturer.

A weapon-manufacturer he knew was Steve’s friend.

He felt a pair of hands on his shoulders. He noticed a pair of blue eyes staring into his. He heard a familiar voice calmly whispering his name and asking him to come back. But he wasn’t gone, right? He was here. He could see Steve.

Steve.

Bucky blinked and shook his head.

“Steve?” he asked, voice rough. He was shaking. He barely felt his feet. He was sitting. Steve had sat him down, because he had been standing. It must have been Steve.  
The TV was turned off.  
The only sound was Steve’s quiet murmurs of _Bucky_ and _I’m here. We’re here. You’re okay._  
He couldn’t feel his arm. The left. He should feel Steve rubbing his left arm, just like he feels Steve rubbing the right.  
The left… the grenade. Right. His left arm was missing. That wasn’t new. He could breathe. Steve was urging him to. Steve said it was okay. Steve was here with him. Steve was here and held him. Steve…

Bucky’s breath started to even out again and his vision became less blurry, Steve’s features sharpened and the grip he apparently had on Steve’s shirt loosened. Steve’s Hand left his right arm and came up to his head. Carded through his hair. Pulled him close and Bucky hid his face in Steve’s chest.

“You with me?” Steve asked quietly and Bucky nodded.  
“Yeah. I’m here. I’m here. I’m good.” Bucky’s voice was raw. Steve closed his eyes, burying his face in the long, dark hair. Inhaling Bucky’s scent. Two days weren’t enough but the best he could do. In two days he won’t be able to anymore for a while.

“I need you here while I’m away. I need you to look after my apartment. I want you to look after it. Please? For me?” He needed to know where Bucky was. He needed Bucky to be here when he would come back.  
“Why are you going?” Bucky asked quietly.  
“They need a good strategist. A leader. Nick thinks I am the best and he is my friend. I owe Tony a lot. And the world needs him.”  
“But why you?”  
“I don’t know. But I will be safe, Buck. I won’t go into combat. I don’t want that. Fury knows that.”  
Bucky pulled him closer. He needed Steve to be safe. Keep him close. He wouldn’t let Steve leave.  
“Don’t. Please. Steve, I need you.”  
“You have me, Buck.” Steve promised and his heart broke. Goddamn, he had fallen for his friend and it hurt to see him like this.

Steve could understand where Bucky was coming from though. The last time Bucky had been in combat he had to free some of his old Unit from a terrorist compound. The last time Bucky had been in combat he had lost most of his Unit and his arm.  
Steve cradled Bucky closer. He heard the ex-Soldier whimper.

“Please Buck. I am here and I am coming back. I won’t be gone for long.”  
“Please promise me you will call. Fuck, Steve” Bucky pushed himself away from the blonde and glared at him. “I can’t fucking lose you, Steve. I need you here.”  
“You’re not going to lose me, Buck. I promise you. I’ll call in every day. Every evening before I go to sleep I’ll call. It should be early in the morning if you want. You can try and call before you go to bed. I try to be available. I’ll tell Fury to keep you up to date if it eases your mind.” Steve was now looking deep into his eyes. Reassuring. Determined. “I will tell them to tell me whenever you call. I won’t be out fighting myself and not even a conference meeting will be more important than you Buck. I swear. You are my number one priority.”

Again Bucky pushed his head into Steve’s chest.  
“Damn. You are my friend. My best friend and when you die on me… if you leave me alone. Steve I fucking…  
You saved me. It was just after we met and got to know each other that I got better. You showed me that I can still be normal. A living and breathing human being. Not only the soldier and killing machine I had been out there. If you die on me I—“ Steve hushed him.

“I know. And I don’t like it, but I know. I know now. And I understand. I will come back. I will come back with Tony. And I need to know you’re here. I need to know you will be here, waiting for me when I come back. It won’t be long.” Steve was full on crying by the time he had choked the words out. This was worse than it had been when joining SHIELD.

When he had joined, his mom had been dead for two years, he was nineteen and had been accepted in the so called ‘Supersoldier out of the bottle’ Project by Tony Stark and Bruce Banner. Talking to Sharon Carter, a niece of the Famous Agent Peggy Carter had made his evaluation and in the dead of the night two months later he had gotten the call to come in immediately, Tony and Bruce were ready to start the treatment. He haven’t had many people to lose at that point. Hadn’t been that close with Natasha anymore, who was beginning to climb the Hollywood latter of success. Sam had left one year prior for Para-rescue with his best friend Riley.

Now he had everything. I had his friends from the Howling Commandos. He had Natasha back who was all over him for wanting her in the Role as Black Widow. He had an amazing job as an Illustrator.

He had Bucky.

He couldn’t lose any of that. Least of all Bucky.  
But Tony was his friend. Tony had helped him out so many times. Tony and Bruce were working on a prosthesis for Bucky. A fully functional arm. The prototype for the Banner-Veteran-Series (How Bruce had been able to get HIS name on it and not Tony’s was still unknown to Steve).  
When Steve had seen the news, seen Tony had been taken and his phone had gone off just seconds later, Fury asking him to help finding him, Steve had agreed. But no combat. He couldn’t do this to Bucky. Not now, not ever.

“I’ll be back. I’ll work with Barton and Coulson. And with Thor. You know they can keep me safe if it comes to it. I don’t miss it.” Steve was full on rambling now, panic overtaking. Bucky’s arm on his waist tightened and Steve pressed him closer. Wet patches confirmed that Bucky also was crying.  
“I know… I know… Steve please come back. Please don’t leave me here forever. You have to come back.” He heard him mumble. Quiet, weak. But there. The pleas were there and he hated to be the one who put this tone in Bucky’s voice. He hated he was the one who broke the broken man’s heart. And suddenly he understood.

“I will make it right when I am back.” He promised quietly, pushing Bucky’s face up that he could look into his red-rimmed eyes. “When I am back the first thing I will do is taking you out. A proper dinner. You and me. We will dress up. And we will go out to dinner and I will treat you right, to show you that I mean it. And we will go out dancing. I can’t dance for what it’s worth and I hate it so much. But I do for you. Because I know you love dancing. It will be you and me, okay Buck. This is me, promising you, to come back.”

Speechless, Bucky nodded. Feeling overwhelmed, he gulped and just stared at Steve who looked at him, all earnest and his voice dripping from honesty and Bucky just knew he MEANT it. That Steve had gotten what Bucky subconsciously had tried to say. That Steve knew Bucky too well, despite them being friends for only six months.

Bucky felt so tired. The day had tired him out. He felt his eyelids, heavy and so tired. And Steve smiled softly.  
“Sleep. I get you to bed. Tomorrow we get the stuff from your apartment. Tomorrow we will talk. Tomorrow everything will be better.”  
_Nothing will be better_ Bucky tried to say. _Tomorrow will be your last day with me. The day after tomorrow you will leave me._ But the sleepless night and the crying, all these emotions weighed him down into sleep as much as he wanted to stay awake. Wanted to cuddle with Steve. Didn’t want to sleep.  
But he did anyways. Steve had asked him to. Steve knew what was good for Bucky. That was why he would come back. Without him, Bucky would be nothing.  
With that he fell asleep, held tight in Steve’s arms, on Steve’s couch in Steve’s living room in Steve’s apartment. Dreaming of Steve and him, in a restaurant, smiling at each other. No war, no military. Bucky made big gestures with his hands, both of them. And Steve just laughed at some joke Bucky had made. Tiny Steve Rogers. The tiny kid he had seen on so many photos, but never in reality. The tiny kid he wished he would have met when Steve first told him about him.

Steve carded his hand through Bucky’s hair and sighed. He should tell Gabe. He would tell Gabe. Later. Or tomorrow. Drying the few tears that still hung on Bucky’s cheeks he smiled sadly. Bucky would wait for him to be back. He would come back. Not to an empty apartment, but a lived-in one. One with Bucky’s things in. One with a grumpy, fresh-from-bed Bucky. One that wouldn’t notice Steve until he had taken the first sips from his coffee. Till he was awake and a bit more alert. Laying his head onto Bucky’s Steve fell asleep, right there and then, sitting on the couch with Buck in his arms. They would talk about it tomorrow.

* * *

 

Gabe glared at him and Steve sighed.  
“You understand why—“  
“I do. But you know why I don’t like it at all, Cap.”  
“’cause of Buck. I know.”  
“Hope you do.”  
“Believe me. He is the reason why I wasn’t sure if I should at first. But it’s Tony. And if it gets really bad not even Fury will stop me getting here.” Steve clenched his jaw. Fury couldn’t hold him there if Steve wanted to leave. “Just tell me. Call. I will be on base.”

Nodding Gabe pulled him into a hug.  
“Take care, Cap. You’re known for making stupid decisions. Remember, now you’ve got more than just a Unit to get back to.”  
Steve smiled over to Bucky who nursed his second cup of coffee and nodded.  
“I really do. I really will remember.”

* * *

 

Bucky held his hand, nearly cutting off the bloodstream into Steve’s fingers.  
“And you call when you get there, right. And when you go to bed. I leave my phone loud that I won’t miss it. And you… Can I call you when I get a nightmare? Will you be there?” He didn’t even care that he sounded desperate. Steve would leave. Soon. Now… Just a few more minutes. And Steve smiled at him. Calmly. Reassuringly.

“I will not miss a single time to hear you Buck. I promise.” Then he closed his eyes and took a deep breath. “I know you are in love with me, Buck. And I am in love with you too. You need to know that. And I really want to kiss you.” He laughed nervously and Bucky stared at him, questioningly.

“But” Steve continued, “I can’t. It wouldn’t be fair for the both of us. But I can give you the promise that as soon as I see you again, when I am back, with you, here, I will. And the same evening I will take you out. And when I arrive in the middle of the night. I would even take you out at three in the morning if necessary. Just…” he gulped, “promise to wait for me.”

Bucky wiped a tear from Steve’s cheek, who hadn’t even realized that he had started to cry. Then he nodded, voice thick from emotions.  
“I will. And I hold you to it, Captain Rogers.” Again he squeezed Steve’s hand tight. And Steve squeezed back. Then they smiled at each other. A sad, but real smile. A private smile. Then Steve pulled Bucky in tight for one last time. Pressed a kiss in Bucky’s hair and stepped away from his friend. Partner.

“Sergeant.” He gave Bucky a salute.  
“Captain.” Bucky replied with the same gesture and then the blonde turned around and headed over the field towards his plane. A jeep rolled up next to Bucky as he stared after his friend. Partner.

A man left the car and stood next to him.  
“He will come back to you, Sergeant Barnes. I will assure you, SHIELD and the rest of the teams out there will keep him safe.”  
Bucky took a look at the man next to him. Dark skin and a long, black coat. Eyepatch. Nick Fury.  
“I hold you to it, Director Fury.” And the man nodded.  
“Wouldn’t expect anything less from Cap’s friend.” And he held out a card. A number. For Steve’s new work phone. Numbers like these weren’t just handed out to anyone.  
“Partner.” Bucky replied and turned around, getting into the car that had brought them to the plane field together. And would bring him back to Steve’s apartment alone.

* * *

 

_Days since Steve left: 2_

Bucky held the phone tight, his breath unsteady. It was connecting. It was the first time Bucky had used the number Fury had given him the day Steve had left him. After arriving in the apartment, Bucky had spent his day curled up in Steve’s bed. It had been easier than he thought. Steve had called a few hours later with an unknown number and assured Buck that he had landed safely and was still heading to base. Bucky made him promise to greet his old Unit. Give Barton a kiss from him. One hour later a Mail from Barton had arrived. A photo from a pouting Clint and Steve giving him an overly excited smooch onto his cheek. The text that came with the picture said: “Sending the boyfriend does not make missing you better. But I think I will keep him. Phil agrees.” It had made Bucky laugh.

The next morning he woke in Steve’s guest bed, woken from the beeping of his phone. Steve had been on the other side, wished him a good morning. Bucky had heard Barton in the background calling out Bucky’s name in a whiny voice. _Damn_ , he thought. He missed this crazy Idiot. He missed them both.

Now he was wide awake at three in the morning, shaken awake from a nightmare.  
Finally Steve picked up.  
“Buck… What…?” he couldn’t finish his sentence.  
“You were dead. I saw it on the news. You were dead. Clint was. Thor was. They all were” he cried out. He heard a sharp breath on the other side.  
“Buck” he said calmly and it sounded like he left or entered a tent. “It was a dream. A nightmare. I am alive. I am well. Clint it too. Phil is. Thor is. We all are.”  
“But I… it was a dream but it was so real.” Bucky murmured into the phone.  
“At ease Sergeant.” Was Steve’s reply. Bucky released a breath he didn’t know he had held in and felt some of the tenseness leaving his body. Feeling himself relax.  
“Yeah… I…” then he heard a voice on the other side of the phone.

“Who’s it, Cap?” Clint. Bucky relaxed further. Falling back into the bed.  
“Barnes. Nightmare. Here, say hi.” He heard Steve’s reply and then sounds that indicated the passing of a phone.

“Good morning, lifesaver.” Clint’s teasing voice came through the speaker and Bucky snorted.  
“Shut it, asshole.”  
“You wound me.” And Bucky could see him theatrically clutching his heart and he heard Steve’s laugh in the background. It made him smile.  
“Can’t sleep without lover boy? Yeah, he looks like a great pillow. I would try but he refuses to let me lay on him.” Clint asked, voice serious but only trying to make Bucky laugh. He smiled.  
“He’s great. But good luck trying. This punk is tougher than he looks.” Bucky teased back and he knew Clint knew that he was smiling.

“Steve told me to tell you to go back to sleep. And that he knows you’re in his guest room. Why even? Go sleep in the master bedroom. His words. But he called you a jerk.” Barton continued his happy chatter. “Have you already stolen one of his hoodies or something? You totally should. It’s cute. That’s what boyfriends do, you know. Steal clothes and stuff.” Bucky snorted in amusement and Clint gave a little cry of triumph.

Twenty minutes later, phone still clutched into Bucky’s hand, Clint told Steve to tell his sleeping partner good night. But the call didn’t disconnect. Not until Bucky had had his coffee and went into the shower. It almost was like waking up next to Steve. Almost.

* * *

 

_Days since Steve left: 10_

“Are you trying to give me a heart attack?” Bucky asked only half serious as soon as Steve picked up.  
“Why?” the blonde asked confused.  
“Natasha fucking Romanov? Are you fucking kidding me?” Bucky asked and heard Steve chuckle. “Yeah, yeah. Laugh it up. But you know how close I came to dying when that woman stood in front of your apartment, asking if I wanted to accompany her for lunch since it’s your monthly date and she decided to ask me now that you’re in fucking Europe?”  
And that was when Steve really started laughing.  
“Yeah. That woman is something else.”

“Yeah. And you never told me you were childhood friends. And here I thought knowing her ex-Bodyguard was an achievement.”  
“It’s not a big deal actually.” Steve just answered and Bucky snorted.  
“Not a big deal. At least tell Barton she sent him some cookies over. And to share with you.”

When he hung up, Natasha smirked at him from the couch where she was watching a documentation about… penguins? Bucky shrugged and sat down with her.  
“He has this effect on people. Make people like him. But you’re the first one he makes look like this. You deserve each other.” And he sees it as her way to approve of him. Of them.

* * *

 

_Days since Steve left: 13_

A small package from SHIELD addressed to him.

_The new issues arrived. Don’t know why I get another one when I got my first ones just two weeks ago but I won’t complain. You know what they say about giving your old ones to someone you care about. Tell me that they arrived, okay. Hope SHIELD is not just keeping them._

Inside was a pair of tags. They looked fairly new and made Bucky smile. On the chain was a little Shield and a little THC Charm. And the tags.

Morita smiled at him brightly when he saw them around Bucky’s neck at work the next day.

* * *

 

_Days since Steve left: 25_

“I needed to hear your voice.” Steve said when Bucky picked up the phone. He was in the middle of work but the tone of Steve’s voice worried him. He waved at Morita who was flirting with a brunette customer and waved him over to take over the register for a short while.

“You okay? What happened?” Bucky asked calmly when he entered the break room and shut the door tight.  
“Nothing… just… there was an attack on one of our Convoys. No one got hurt. I just… I haven’t slept in days and I can’t sleep. Talk to me?” Steve sounded beat but Bucky knew this insomnia all too well and instead of asking about what to talk about he started to tell Steve how Dum Dum spilled coffee all over himself while trying to chat up a blonde earlier today. And how one of Morita’s friends fell asleep on a table next to the register and they put as many mini Marshmallows into his mouth as possible until he woke up. They made it up to 32. While he told Steve about the take-out-and-movie-dinner he had with Natasha the night before, he heard Steve’s calm breathing on the other end of the line and hung up, smiling softly. It felt good to finally give Steve something in return.

* * *

 

_Days since Steve left: 45_

A letter arrived. For Bucky. From Stark Industries.

_To: Sergeant James B. Barnes  
From: Dr. Bruce Banner_

_Dear Sergeant Barnes,_

_I hope you do not mind my sudden need to contact you. But I wish to talk to you in Person.  
I have heard a great deal about you from our common friend Captain Steve G. Rogers. Steve assured me you were the perfect candidate for Tony’s and my new Project. _

_Before his kidnapping on a trip we were working on a prototype of a new prosthesis, mainly meant for Veterans like you who lost a limb in combat. I am aware of the story behind your disability and we all agreed on that you were perfect to test our new development if you are interested. Sadly I cannot tell you much about the prosthesis in this letter, this is why I wanted to invite you for a dinner at Stark Tower. Just show up at the front desk between four and seven in the evening and we will discuss things further._

_Agreeing to this dinner does not yet mean agreeing to anything further._

_I hope to see you soon._

_Dr. Bruce Banner_

* * *

_Days since Steve left: 48_

“If I agree… I mean…” Bucky swallowed.  
“We won’t force you to do anything.” Bruce assured. “We would make sure to arrange everything the way you like it. You can decide if you want to do it here in the Tower, on one of the guest floors or in one of the labs. We could also ask a hospital…”

“No hospitals.” Bucky interrupted and Bruce nodded.  
“No hospitals it is then. That’s good. The Tower it is. You’ve seen the prosthesis, what do you think about it?”  
“It looks nice. Futuristic kinda.” Bucky chuckled and Bruce nodded thoughtful. “It is light. And it really works?”  
“We are fairly certain. The basics do, yeah. But for the rest we would need your help. The arm would be connected to your spine and the rest of your nerves. It would be a mayor surgery and it would take some time to heal. When the arm is connected and working we would start the tests to refine it. Fine tuning, see how sensible it is and how sensible we can make it. That we can’t do with machines so we need a living human being.”  
Bucky nodded. That part made sense.

“So in the end you want the arm to feel like a real one? That there is barely to none difference between a real and a metal arm.” Bruce nodded and drank from the tea in front of him. Bucky played with the label on the beer bottle.  
“You don’t need to make a decision just yet.” Bruce said as he felt Bucky’s hesitation. But the Vet shook his head.  
“How long would it take? When could you start?”  
Bruce stared at him.  
“We could start tomorrow noon the earliest. If everything goes well we can release you with the limb in about two weeks. Then we have time for it to heal and make the most basic tests.”

Bucky nodded slowly.  
“I’ll do it.”  
“Tomorrow?”  
Another nod.

“Then I’ll call my colleague to assist me and JARVIS will show you the way to one of our guest floors if you want.” This time Bucky shook his head.  
“I go home. Steve’s home.” He corrected and Bruce smiled.  
“Okay. Be here by three tomorrow afternoon. And I think Steve will be happy to know you start referring to his apartment as your home.”

* * *

 

_Days since Steve left: 50_

“You haven’t picked up earlier.” Steve sounded worried. It was late morning and the light shone through the window into the bedroom Bucky had woken up in. At first he had been disoriented, unsure where he was. But then he had noticed the metal around his shoulder. The weight on this left side. Only noticeable because he had lived without anything on his left side for far more than six months.  
“Sorry. Haven’t heard the phone.” He replied and yawned. “What are you still awake?”  
“Was worried about you. And I wanted to hear your voice before going to sleep.”

And Steve sounded beat. Bucky smiled and the door to the bedroom opened. Bruce came in and just gestured Bucky to continue talking.

“You should sleep Stevie.”  
“I will. Just needed to hear your voice.” The blonde yawned. “G’night, Buck.”  
“G’night Steve. I love you.” He heard a choking sound and snorted.  
“Sleep well, Steve.” And he hung up the phone.

“Check in?” He asked, looking at Banner.  
“Check in.” The man confirmed. The tests took a while.

* * *

 

_Days since Steve left: 64_

Bucky settled back into the apartment, the weight on his left side still kind of new but welcome. The prosthesis was working perfectly. He could feel pressure and hot and cold. Not light touches or exact temperatures but that was more than he had felt on his left side in a very long time. He hoped Bruce would be able to refine the arm some more before Steve came back home and saw the new limb for the first time. It was thanks to him Bucky had his new hand after all.

Morita and Jones had been all over the shiny new thing when he had walked into the Coffee shop earlier this morning to tell then he would be able to come back for work the next day. He had promised them to tell them everything. Gabe had invited him for Dinner Saturday evening. And it was only now that he realized how much of a family the Howling Commandos were to him. He had never been a part of it, but he knew all the stories. All of them.

Stories…

He groaned. It had been 64 days and only NOW he realized that Steve would hear all the embarrassing stories, Clint knew about him. Barton knew fucking everything. Steve would never look at him the same again.  
He threw his arm over his face and groaned.  
“Fuck. I will skin Barton alive.” He murmured into the metal and smiled as he pressed a soft kiss against the wrist part that held one of Steve’s tags. Bruce had done that for him. Now he officially belonged to Steve and he wasn’t even embarrassed about it.

* * *

 

_Days since Steve left: 83_

Tears fell down Bucky’s cheek and he clutched the table tightly with his left hand. The news were playing and he barely registered the words that were spoken on the other side.  
The world around him had slowed down when the words had come through for the first time.

“I’m coming home, Buck.”

* * *

 

“We arrive at Stark Tower in two hours. I’ll be back as soon as I can.” Steve said and Bucky was fucking glowing and floating and crying and everything.  
“Don’t be like that, Capsicle. Invite him over. Let me invite you and Loverboy for Dinner. I want a burger as soon as we get home. Tell your boy to get to Stark Tower and I tell Bruce to get us as many Burgers as possible. Yeah. That sounds like a perfect plan. Happy I need to borrow your phone, now.”

Steve laughed lightly and Bucky took a deep breath.  
“You heard the man. Head over to Manhattan. I think Tony will tell them you’re on your way.”  
“Damn right I will tell them. Up to the penthouse. You wait there with Bruce.” Tony chimed then swore.  
“Did you punch him?” Bucky asked and Steve chuckled.  
“Maybe. See you there?”  
“You can bet on it.”

When Steve hang up the phone, Bruce’s phone next to him chimed and he saw the Doctor roll his eyes.  
“Yes I heard the news Tony.” He answered and Bucky heard the affection and the relief in Bruce’s words.  
As soon as he had entered the building nearly an hour ago after a call from Nick Fury that Steve and Tony would arrive at Stark Tower and Steve would surely appreciate Bucky picking him up, he had noticed a difference in Bruce. He was less tense. He looked relaxed and more at ease.

“Sure. I’ll tell Jarvis. Just get back here—Yes I will tell the front desk” (again an eye roll) “Pepper will be delighted—She is in Malibu—Just get back here.” With that he hung up and leaned back.

When Steve stepped into the Penthouse of the Tower, Bucky stood at the bar, next to Bruce and Steve stopped in his tracks. Bucky looked up at him and smiled. He saw Steve’s eyes looking over every millimeter of Bucky’s body and then stop when they came to his left shoulder.

Bucky stepped forward and Steve’s hand came up to settle on his left forearm, fingertips lightly brushing over the metal and the tag that was embedded in one of the plates on his wrist. Exactly where his pulse point would be. Steve lifted the arm to take a look at the wrist, tears welled up in his eyes.  
“When…”  
“Later. You promised me something 85 days ago.” Bucky whispered and Steve nodded. Bit his lip.  
Then he leaned in, capturing Bucky’s lip in a light kiss. His hand stayed on the tag where the other hand came up and cradled Bucky’s jaw.  
Parting only millimeters Bucky smiled up into Steve’s eyes.  
“That was what I was waiting for.”

“Was it worth it?”  
Bucky nodded and Steve smiled brightly.  
“Yeah, yeah. You’re adorable and will give me Diabetes or carious or something that comes from too much sugar. Can we get to dinner now? I am starving.” Tony chimed in. He had come in behind Steve and watched them with a smile.

Sitting at the Table, Tony already had devoured his first burger, when he pointed at Bucky’s arm.  
“How does it feel?”  
Bucky shrugged and gave Tony a smirk over his burger.  
“Like an arm.” And Tony’s eyes lit up like a Christmas tree.  
“So it really did work?”  
Bruce nodded and swallowed the bite before he added “We have to make some minor adjustments I wasn’t able to do without you but all in all he seems happy with it.”

“When did you get it?” Bucky looked up at Steve and shrugged (with his left side, Steve noticed happily).  
“During the second month you were gone. The morning when you couldn’t get me on the phone the first time I was still mostly knocked out from the surgery when they connected most of the technology to my spine.”  
“It took us till three in the morning but we had no complications and the arm will not do any harm to his health.” Bruce added satisfied.

“No, but real talk now Buckster, can I call you Buckster? Robocop would have a nice touch now…” Bruce punched him into his shoulder, “sorry. Right. Real talk. How much to you feel?”  
Bucky reached out and Tony let his arm hover over the arm for a second before taking his napkin and letting it glide over the arm. Bucky nodded.  
“You felt it?” Steve asked in awe.  
“Sure did.” Bucky confirmed and Tony’s eyes sparkled.  
“You so come in tomorrow and let me take a closer look at it. I need to see the functions for myself.” Tony cried out.

Suddenly Steve reached out, pulled Bucky halfway off the chair, one arm wrapped around the waist the other one around the shoulders.  
“Uh uh.” He protested, sounding like a reluctant child (with a way too deep voice). “You can’t have him. I left him for nearly three months to save your ass, Stark. I will keep this man in our apartment and our bed for the next two days. After that he gets to see the others otherwise Barton will kick my ass to next Tuesday and THEN you can have him. For a few hours. Maybe. But not without me.”

Tony sighed.  
“Fine.” Then he stretched his arms towards the ceiling. “JARVIS! These kids are in love.”  
“Certainly Sir.” The voice replied. Bucky, still hanging at Steve’s side half off the chair smiled.  
“Yep. I love you.” He smiled at Steve and poked the blonde with his metal finger and Steve grinned down at him.

 

**Author's Note:**

> Again great thanks to my beta from tumblr. 
> 
> You can find me on [tumblr](http://fangirl-faye.tumblr.com) if you want.


End file.
